I really don’t have words anymore for this man just please stop him
The ultimate dad joke compilation
My dad, a construction worker who resembles a lumberjack, is a terrible texter and basically just recieves pictures from friends and family but nevet replies or anything.
One day, when he was getting interviewed at a big power plant to do a long-term job, he spent a LOT of time waiting. I’m talking 3-5 hours of just sitting there waiting. I get a text message from him sometime around noon or so that reads:
"I text you love dad"
He later said that it took him over an hour to type it. He was so fucking proud of himself for that message though
FUCK GHOSTS MAN
Ouija boards are not a fucking game
I once did a ouija board with someone before at Mountainview cemetery in Vancouver trying to contact GHOSTS after we saw one (a ouija, not a ghost lol) at a Toys R Us. We had a case of newcastles and got right into the boozing and contacting. A bunch of korean war vet ghosts buried there immediately told us to fuck off and refused to continue with the ouija bullshit so the eyepiece just didnt move after that for several questions or so after, as if they were angrily ignoring us for disturbing them lol
After a little while, we got in contact with two other spirits that I found were specifically hovering around me. One was a female spirit with a bizarre wacky name who thought I was cute and the other was a little boy from the 19th century. We asked if the boy was buried in the cemetery. The boy said no. We asked where he was from. The little boy was from europe. Confused, we wondered if the boy was an immigrant from europe living in vancouver who died and was buried at the cemetery. No, the ouija stated. The boy never lived or visited Vancouver during his life. Where did this spirit come from and how did he find us? The spirit stated he had been following me specifically for years already. More confusion. This ghost was from Europe but has been in vancouver following me for a while already but never once been here?
I distinctly remember the chill that went up my spine when I suddenly remembered that in 2006 I went on a high school trip to Italy. I asked if hes from Italy. The ouija glides to “yes”
Is that where you saw me?
The wandering boy spirit saw me during my high school trip and decided to follow me ever since.
We packed up the ouija board and left.
you got a cute lil italian ghosty boy following you around and keepin you outta trouble because e saw you and liked you you have been blessed with a nice ghostie that is amazing
was the ghost following you nico diangelo?
i am so slow
you can look at the posts on a certain day?
url.tumblr.com/day/2012/12/25 <- what you posted last christmas
omfg chRIST WHY DIDN’T I KNOW THIS BEFORE????
makes my fckn life EASIER
BECAUSE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF USE IS EVER IN THE HELP SECTION
I MUST SPREAD THE WORD TO MY FOLLOWERS
So I’ve had two of these respirators laying around my room forever but I obviously only use one of them. The other one I had sterilized.
So yeah this is going to be a strange little giveaway. ..
What you can win:
☆ 1 respirator (the sterile one obviously)
☆ Follow me either here or on my instagram @abstractava (if u follow me there just DM me so I know)
☆ Like/Reblog as much as you want
☆ I’ll ship anywhere
☆ Ends December 1st
☆ Good Luck!! ☆
Spanish has a variety in swearing and a flexibility that I miss in English
I mean yeah sure you can say ”fuck you asshole” to that driver who just cut you but isn’t that a bit lacking in spice when you can lower your window and shout I SHIT ON YOUR DEAD ANCESTORS YOU MALE GOAT SON OF A WHORE (me cago en tus muertos cabrón hijo de puta)